Gum and Lubrication Brands
by wittyness
Summary: His body decides to ignore him and sing anyway. "You're the apple to my pie," The boy's eyes widened but his mouth twitches upwards, and he steps towards Dante. "You're the straw to my berry." "I'm Dante!" Well, Dante blurts out Warnings: My own stupid idea,


Love in the Land of Stride Gum and Lubrication Brands

Nero didn't have any goals, or aspirations – so to speak. He enjoyed working at Licorice Old Folks Home, even though the old women with the fake dentures enjoyed pinching his cheeks and calling him a 'wonderfully gay lad', and the lecherous old men who instead of finding favor in his face, found it in his ass- and made every opportunity they could to either swat, pinch, slap or attempt to impale him with oblong shaped objects.

Yes, apart from those things he really didn't mind it that much. On top of his barely minimum wage pay, the elderly folks made a habit out of giving him gum. Ever since he had asked for a piece his first day on the job – he didn't even like gum. He had woken up that morning after a particularly busy night, and found that he was late for his first day.

Needless to say, Nero hauled his ass to Licorice Old Folks Home that morning, wearing mismatched SpongeBob and Bat Man socks, his tan pants hardly ironed (he was lucky he remembered to check his fly before entering the building) and the left side of his shirt untucked, while the right side was giving him a particularly bad wedgie. Not to mention the rainbow colored tie he'd manage to grab on his way out. It was a gift.

Needless to say, Nero did not have time to brush his teeth.

And therefore, the gum was absolutely necessary. The disgusting mint taste reminded Nero of chewing melted toothpaste run over twice by an old man on a lime green moped.

But yes, the old folks now gave him gum every time he helped them – changing their sheets, bringing them their food, their medicine. All were awarded with gum. Nero had four shoeboxes at home in his fridge full of gum – he felt bad for throwing them away.

And today – dear lords, today was a bad day for Nero. Besides the fact that today's choice of gum was a particularly disgusting spicy chili peppermint that made his tongue burn and eyes water. He had to try it when he heard it's name- his curiosity was insatiable.

Nero dragged his feet up the stairs to his crappy two bedroom apartment and as he entered, his best friend- that adorable ball of white fluff ran towards him and attacked his foot. "Hi Virgil, how was your day today?" He mumbled into his pet chipmunk's fur.

Virgil had been his only friend and companion, for what seemed like years now. Nero sat back pulling his laptop onto his lap. My god, he thinks as he waits for the piece of shit to load, I've been working at Licorice for two years. He counted down in his head, five years since high school, four since he moved out… and exactly a year since he saw him.

He remembered exactly when too, December 10th 2009- he was feeling like crap that day walking down to the nearest store in his pj's for some milk.

Then he saw him- by god, he was gorgeous, his hair messy and unstyled – mussed from sleep (from sex, was his first thought- but he quickly erased it from his mind) but his eyes a brilliant blue- smart and sharp.

He felt like toothpicks, from the sheer intense blue that was those man's eyes, were stabbing his own eyes repeatedly. Nero never claimed to be one much for subtlety, but he did have the right mind to be embarrassed when the man caught him staring.

The man laughed, raising an eyebrow almost as if to say – "See something you like? I'm on sale."

Which then led to Nero, oh so subtly choking on his spit and quickly scrambling down a random aisle and pretending to look for something, anything really just to get those blue eyes off of him.

He was beginning to glow red now, he was sure. He felt the heat flushing beneath his skin and he spluttered as the man pulled the object in which he had pretended was his object of complete attention and distress out of his hands.

Which, of course with Nero's luck, turned out to a bottle of lube.

Lube.

White Lighting: Epic Ride Lube to be specific.

"Hmm." The man hummed looking at the bottle of lube and back at Nero, as if contemplating… contemplating… something. Nero swallowed. But the man just shrugged and tossed it into his own basket, and as he turned to leave he grabs something off the rack and tosses it into Nero's basket before winking at him and going, "My personal favorite."

Nero watches as the man leaves the store, the bells ringing as the door closes behind him. He glances down in his basket almost warily- he blushes even worse when he sees and looks around to make sure no one was watching him.

He proceeds to check out, what he had gone to the store for in the first place- forgotten. Instead, he left with a brand new bottle of lube.

Intense: Good Ol' Lovin'.

So maybe that was when it happened? His ahem… fascination with this man. No he refused to call it an obsession. He was not obsessed- just… curious.

It led to an unhealthy habit of searching online databases for him, countless hours spent on the Internet.

He had already searched through Facebook and eHarmony already- right now, he was on . Lame, he knew, but hey, he had to give it a shot didn't he?

"Nope, No. No, Oh god, definitely not." He said clicking 'next' as the site showed him a picture of two guys playing leapfrog. Naked.

He choked on his spit, a habit of his ever since he met the man and covered Virgil's eyes. "I corrupted you, Virgil." He mumbled as he clicked 'Next' again, the page reloading the picture of the boy's face filling his screen toothy, and grinning.

He choked- again and grabs his laptop's screen with both hands and bringing it up to his face, causing an indignant Virgil to fall to the ground where he scuttled off to the kitchen.

The man was smiling wide, and Nero noticed (much to his dismay) that the boy's soft pink tongue poked out of the corner of his mouth. Nero swallowed loudly, shifting on the hard floor, as his pants grew tighter.

He felt like an Internet predator.

He glanced at the boy's name- "Virgil." He gasped softly, and before he could process his thought, his mouth fell open and said, "It's fate."

He didn't even have the decency to feel embarrassed after, too busy staring at Dante's profile.

Interested In: Men.

MEN.

He supposed it should have been obvious, what with all the implications of the Intense: Good Ol' Lovin and the White Lightning: Epic Ride lube.

Yet you wouldn't have been able to steel wool off that stupid grin of his, even as he clicked on Dant's "Info" tab, his heart beating so rapidly in his chest he swore they sounded like an obnoxious preteen snapping gum.

O-o-O-o-O-o-O-o-O-o-O

Moo.

Dante's eyes flickered open, as he gently lowered his sister on to the floor. She was getting better, he knew, but there was no room here for a fourteen-year-old girl's mistakes.

"You could get hurt Patty, being an acrobat –" He paused as his phone rang again.

Moo.

He ignored it, hitting silent on his phone as his sister flicks him off and leaves the tent calling him a few choice words concerning his sexuality.

"- There won't always be safety nets, Pat! All of us fall one time or another."

He mutters the last part as he stares resignedly at the tent opening. He knew it was a bad idea to pursue his dream of being a circus acrobat. Patty had always looked up to him, following him into all his quirky adventures.

Like that one time he thought it would be a good idea to find their father a new wife, and themselves a new mother. He was only nine at the time, and naturally he thought all the pretty women standing on the sidewalk were just waiting for a taxi, or their parents to pick them up. Who knew? He certainly didn't.

His fingers began twitching as he imagined Patty falling to her death as she tangled on the strips of cloth that looked so elegant and beautiful as the acrobats would twirl their way down, but so deadly and unyielding if one lost their grip.

He bit his lip and began singing under his breath the first song he thought of. He taps his foot, and he clutches his arms to himself.

"You're the apple to pie, you're the straw to my berry."

His eyes slid closed, his brain replaying Patty falling to the ground, dying, over and over again.

"Why can't you see we're all we need,"

He had always been like this, ever since he could remember. From seeing things he wanted to forget, the images he wanted to erase- he would begin to sing to himself, any song that popped into his head.

Dancing helped too, but he refused to that in public.

He opened his eyes slowly and peeked down at his phone.

ONE NEW MESSAGE.

It said in size 15 font on his iPhone screen on the picture he had of Credo. Credo always cheered him up when he was sad, or if he wanted to forget something. Even if he wasn't next to him, he believed that Credo was with him always.

Credo was his pet duck after all, and you could only bring a duck so many places in public.

So Dante had learned to keep Credo stored away in his heart, just for moments like these.

Dante changed back into his normal street clothes and headed out into the real world, as he liked to think of it, off the circus grounds. He walked all the way to the convenience store all the way across from town from his apartment and waited in the lube aisle.

Feeling like an idiot.

Again.

It had become a ritual by now though, heading to the store everyday after work and practice to see if he would see that boy again. That boy with the spongebob footie pajamas and an ACDC beanie on.

The boy he had traded lube with to be exact. He didn't know why he waited for him at the store for this boy, not to mention that he had been doing this for the entire year since he first saw the kid.

Dante felt like he should be arrested on grounds of stalking.

Not that he knew the kid's name or address or anything.

But still.

The fact remains that if he did, he most certainly would.

He picks up a bottle of lube and stares at the obnoxious wrapper: REFRESHING LEMON SCENT.

And he's almost tempted.

But he doesn't, because a voice from behind him says, "I thought intense, good ol' lovin' was more of your thing."

Dante freezes, his thumb pausing, as it was just about to flip the bottle cap open. He slowly turns around, and there, in all his disgustingly sexy glory, was the boy.

Dante's mouth falls open, and he might have dropped the lube (sending the lemon scented guck flying everywhere, covering his and the boy's shoes) but he's too busy trying to process that yes, here he was, after a year. He's just right there.

Dante feels his nervousness kick in, and he bites down on his lip- before he can burst into dance and song.

His body decides to ignore him and sing anyway.

"You're the apple to my pie,"

The boy's eyes widened but his mouth twitches upwards, and he steps towards Dante.

"You're the straw to my berry."

"I'm Dante!" Well, Dante blurts out, the blush coloring his cheeks as he clamps his hands onto his mouth, worried that the next thing out of his mouth would be that he had made a celery and carrot vegetable figure of him.

He was inspired by Olga from Hey, Arnold.

It was not in any way or form, a shrine. (So he told himself, anyway. Patty disagreed.)

The boy smiles, his cheeks coloring too and he tugs on Dante's shirt sleeve to bring him closer. "I know I found your… uh, plentyoffish profile." He mumbles, blushing.

Dante blushed too, looking down- how lame was that!

A dating site. Dante wanted to sing and do the fox trot all the way into a fucking ditch.

"I've been looking for you ever since." They both blurt, and their eyes widen in response. Nero is the first to recover.

"I like your shirt." He whispers, fingering the bottom of Dante's shirt.

He looks down, a huge Perry the Platypus staring right back at him. And that's when he decides to do it.

Kiss him he means.

It was awkward at first, nothing life changing or universe and quantum physics altering. It always is the first time you kiss someone, and this time was no different.

Except for the fact that this would be far from Dante & Nero's last kiss.

But they would be each other's last first kiss.

Dante would go home that day and delete his PlentyOfFish profile, but not before changing his status to Taken.

Nero would be looking over his shoulder as he did so, immediately hugging him from behind and insisting that Virgil and Credo should meet. And he goes on about something about fate.

But before all that, in the convenient store, in the lube aisle, with lemon scented lube covering their shoes, Nero would be the first to pull away and retrieve something from between his lips.

Dante's gum.

Dante blushed, when Nero asked, "What flavor is it?"

Dante cringed, but replied anyways his cheeks practically glowing from embarrassment. "Spicy chili peppermint." He paused, before asking, "You like it?" Almost worried that Nero would just throw it at him and leave.

"I love it."

And Nero politely returned Dante's gum again, with his mouth.


End file.
